I don't miss blogging, but I'm back. All because I'm so fucking confused lately. I don't know how to express myself anymore---No, cross that out. I never learned how to express myself over the years.

This blog has been around, like four years now, and I don't think I matured over that time. I'm still harping about the same things, same drama, same shit. The only difference is that I'm much more of a loser now. And I'm not saying that to get your pity; it's merely the truth.

The next few months will be a make it or break it moment for me. And I should be doing everything I can to make it. But I lack something. I lack motivation, I lack passion. I have no direction. Even if "make it", it still wouldn't be enough to guide me to the right direction.

In three months I'll be 20, and I know I'm still young, but I can't afford to make more stupid mistakes. I have no direction...I don't know what to do with my life. It's incredibly difficult for me to see the blog posts I wrote years ago, when I still had something vaguely similar to having a "dream". It's painful to know and see this young hopeful who is hormone-driven, yet much more focused...and realize that that's what I used to be.

I'm planning on withdrawing on anything to social. Tomorrow, I plan on going to the university guidance office--the second time this term. I feel like i need counselling right now.